It Aint Jest That Fool Climate Change

Like that wadnt aready enuf ta make the avurege NFL fan sickta his dam stumach…

By their waya thinkin were jest drownin in all kinda like kittystrophic events jest about ta come true

They say thers some kinda global mass estintion goin on all around us and they claim were causin it

Ya got them thousandsa unregelated, manmade kemikals mixin up everwher causin cancer in babies

Yer leftwing neow-nazis believe our savur-ordained fruitfulness is outta control & overuinin the earth

Theys even wackosa tryin ta make ya blieve that $hafa triyion a year fer our dEfense is way too much

And were spossed ta pay ta fix up the shittin roads, dams, bridges, lektrik, water & innernet, too?

Like Im really worried about them stripminin the oceans and fillinem up with that micro plastic litter

Our BigAg soil stewarts wunit overuse warter, fertilizer & pesticide jist fer ther stock-based bonuses

Look, jest cuz the kids caint do percents or read leglese don’t mean they aint tamarras world leadurs

Why shud we even believe that breast milk is lousy with whoremoans from our plastic & lektronics?

I aint got time ta fret on some hoaxy clean drinkin water shortage them vegans are bawlin over now

Tetnolagy’ll solve any issues arisin over needin ta grow more food on less land fer 2bln more hindis

You bet I’m takin the threata acid in the oceans hurtin seashells real, real serious. Uh-huh.

I been losin sleep frettin over the 5 poundsa trash each of us tosses out ever day, that’s fore shore

Yeah, I almost got some time ta worry about ther habytat distruction crisis, whatever that is, anyway

But, I jest do gotta ask one more time – What’s any stinkin polar bear ever done fer me?

like they say, our lafstyle alone is robbin our kids of any chancea reachin they true potentuls: Right..

They think we caint tell butween that vast libral media conspirucy & red meat, no-spin Faux News

Ooooh, I’m like soooo worried about whatever cow antibotics creatin bugs what cud eat off my leg

Stayin up late frettin over them asiens out there stripminin the oceans – Hey! I hate fish dicks anyway

Right, like goodod Clean Coal cud somehow put whatever mercury all up in our baby’s little brains

And the Libs are tryin ta convince me that our good conservative leadrs are owned by corprations

Jest the othur day theys some wack scientest lyin bout ever gallona diesel I burn givin off 19lbsa CO₂

Anaways, I jest keep buyin up guns & ammo cuz I jest know them yella vegans wanna take em away

Oh, and, were loadin up on tofu, kale, green tea and such sh*t, too: Cuz they say its whats fer dinner

Yup, they want us ta be skinny & weak like them - But I’m takin a cue from the big boys of my NFL

We got our Medicaid & SSDI so we aint worried about no probly fishunal doctur & nurse shortages

And, the good news is, I can get me a script fer vicadin or percaset if my teeth get ta hurtin too bad

Jesus, now were spossed ta get all teary eyed about some gotdam fireflies dyin off?

Whado I care how much air pollushun them swarmin asien hords create makin producs fer Wal*Mart?

And jest what shud I do about them slum dwellers movin inta that amazon jungle & burnin it down?

Oh, and watch out! – them giant pig & chicken farms are like chokin the life outta our rivers and bays

Um, BTW, alla them skinny vegan scare tactics regardin overeatin on sugar, salt & fat – Absulute BS!

& This incume inequality biness - Jest one more socialist scare tactic ta gin up more nanny regelatin

Them ragheads aint never comin to open up on us down ta our Wal*Mart or in the Sonic drive thrus -

Cuz all we gotta do is jest bomb the shit outta them ayrabs & get on with Traditional Family Values®

I Never Grew Up & I Ain’t Ashamed

Never outgrew my boyish love of those loud exhaust pipes filling the air with their thick, black smoke

The noise and smell of any type of explosives from firecrackers to AK-47s still quickens my heart

Drivin my giant diesel pickup all alone reminds me of my bug-eyed boyhood lovea big red firetrucks

Don’t need to spend time studying the issues any more than I needed to pay any attention in school

Like always, if it tastes good like hot dogs I’ll eat it and to hell with your squirrelly rabbit health food

I still get my kicks watching the big boys knock hell out of each other and now I lay on my own couch

Them intrusive gov’t over-regelaters sure do remind me of my stupid elementary school teachers

I’m living proof that kids don’t have to read books all the dam time to get ahead here in the USA

I’m still being socialized by television, only now it’s good old Faux News instead of just kids TV ads

As the super-rich taught us – being greedy is really just the patriotic pursuit of individual happiness

Yup, and that share and share alike business? That’s just tired socialist pabulum for the Moochers

My lifetime selfishness is still right as rain in this survival of the fittest world we all have to live in

Still running wild and free out in the woods, only now I’m on my dirt bike, snowmobile or ATV

Was taught to put women up on a pedestal so I’m still quite respectful of them topless table dancers

Even though the nannies have always tried to take them all away, I love my guns more than ever now

Thanks to many years spent playing War, I’m ready to bomb the shitake outta any country in our way

When I put on my $200 official NFL jersey I often think back on the boyhood sports I almost played

I only wish we could still beat the crap out of the queers and geeks for fun, just like we used to

My daddy taught us how to fish and I really love going out in my 300 hp bass boat with a case of beer

I’ll tell you what, my dam checking account is as empty as that lame piggy bank ever was - & it’s OK!

I still hate asparagus, broccoli and that type of sh*t, but now I don’t have to eat it to get my dessert

Yup, and I graduated from teeny cans of coke to them 44 oz Big Gulps I always watched Daddy drink

I never liked cleaning up my bedroom so now I leave whatever I want to, out in the front yard

And aint nobody gonna make me go do like calisthenics or any st00pid exercising no more, no how

It’s totally clear now that I never did need to give a dam about all them whatever hindis & fukistanis

And the greenies still cant tell me - What has any stinking polar bear ever done for me?

I put my trash back to the earth just like I always did – I dump it all wherever I’m done with it

People shouting & fighting remain far more interesting than whatever boring reasonable discussions

Now I can carry on anytime, as loud as I want with my bros, specially when we’re havin a few beers

Dont have to wait fer $XMAS ta go charge off whatever new electronic or 4x4 goodie I really want

Still don’t see any reason ta spend half my dam life brushing my teeth or even ever go to the dentist

And I’m as badass as ever despite the bum knees, twisted shoulder, pre-diabetes and sore back

Listen, I really don’t care if I cain’t never figger out the change I got coming from a $20 bill

I still don’t give a dam about whatever 25% off actually means, cuz I know a good deal when I see it

I’ve never forgotten the fact that I am a very entitled citizen of an extremely exceptionist people

And my ideals of jesus christ and His paradise that awaits me are jest as clear now as they ever been

There’s Nothing To Be Afraid Of

Don’t worry, your kids wont ever get any coal-fired mercury in their tender, developing young brains

None of the thousands of unregulated, manmade chemicals in our environment are actually harmful

Take it easy, you’re not likely to get one of those increasingly-common but incurable MRSA infections

Relax, they’ll get around to fixing the roads, dams, bridges, electric, water & internet real soon now

You’re going to have plenty of retirement savings to ensure great happiness during your golden years

There’s no way that you’ll be one of those forced into bankruptcy by obscenely huge healthcare bills

Stop fretting that Muslim fanatics will ever again kill thousands here in this, the land of the free

Just you keep on eating the stuff you really like and don’t worry about the calories or the ingredients

Listen, that climate change thing…It’s not going to affect you in the very least, so just forget about it

Chill out man, you can start exercising anytime, but Hey, it’ll never really come down to that…

Yeah, there’ll always be plenty of good, clean drinking water, even if it does all come out of bottles

No, no, no! – Our consumer choices do not deny our precious children their full & glorious potentials

Whoa there partner, they’re never going to peel that semi-automatic out of your cold, dead fingers

Nobody & I mean No-Body, is going to force you to live on carrots, kale, tofu, rice, beans & weak tea

Calm down, they can’t make you take part in that worthless, messy, time-consuming recycling scam

Not to worry – You’ll be able to glory in all your fav team’s triumphs in HD - From up there in heaven

Slow down, neighborhood fracking yields a virtuous energy independence, without any health threats

It’s OK, terrorists aren’t going to burst into your little girl’s classroom with AK47s blazing for Allah

No need to panic, the stock market is quite safe and very profitable, in the, umm, really long run…

Well, of course your kids are always going to like you – As long as you uncritically pay for everything

Don’t be afraid, UN black helicopters aren’t coming in the night to steal our precious sovereignty

You needn’t ever concern yourself with the future of the poor, bastard kids you saved from abortion

Look, even though they call you Moochers, they alone still have only your best interests at heart

Now, now, now, just you wait and see what happens to those sinful LGBTs from up in your heaven

No need to get upset just because all the world’s fisheries have already crossed the brink of collapse

Those giant whatever ocean gyres circulating tons of plastic trash? Not a threat to your happy family

It’s all right, this manmade global mass extinction going on all around isn’t coming to your back yard

Ease up, Mom. Your kids don’t need to read & write to claim their role as tomorrow’s world leaders

Chillax pal, swarms of refugees won’t ever be trundling their filthy belongings down your street

Mellow out, you’ve got lots of time for those things that really matter that you’ve put off for so long

Don’t be anxious – elected leaders heed your letters, not just their massive corporate donor’s dollars

We’re not going to stop spending half a trillion$ per year on defense anytime soon, so lighten up

Simmer down folks, your mothers breast milk is not actually contaminated with manmade hormones

There’s no substance whatever to their utter blasphemy that human overpopulation threatens us all

That’ll never be you there, lying all pale & rumpled, with tubes going in and out & eyes shrunken in

Kick back, stop & smell the roses, live for today, for tomorrow never comes & you wont have to pay

The Unholy Triad: Unintelligence, Ignorance & Attitude

Scorned be those who are at once alternatively-gifted, lack an education and yet, still bristle loudly with unassailable attitude

Unintelligence

All of us are very gifted in some manner, but mostly in ways that society has not found a profitable and thus, economically valuable, use for. Intelligence tests are full of cultural bias and still only measure a narrow range of human capabilities. One’s IQ also bears no relation to their morality, kindness, citizenship or grace.

Ignorance

Anyone deprived of a decent education, intelligent or not, will suffer from ignorance. In fact, all of us are ignorant on infinitely more subjects than those for which we can claim knowledge. Any education which fosters critical thinking reduces the perils of ignorance when facing novelty, advertising or politicians.

Attitude

A ruthless honesty combined with a lack of tact, though abrasive, can cut straight to the truth. Merely being politically incorrect is not some form of immorality, as backbiting sheep would have us believe. The impatient & those quick to anger are, quite often, among our very highest performers.

But: Let it be known:

The constant loud, proud and uncritical mouthing of indisputable and unquestioned beliefs by those

low in the form of intelligence required for rational thinking and deprived of a proper education cannot be reasoned with and is seriously difficult to interact with.

Somebody Gave A Shitake

No do-gooders’ dumbass libral deed gets away without us laughin...

My roadside trash got picked up, again – Aint that great? Here, ya lameass squishes. Have some more!

Librals was plantin flowers by the road so I gave em a fat, black blasta good ol unburnt diesel smoke

Our old frigerator finally got pulled outta the creek: Wonder what took them tofu-eaters sa dam long

Some bleedin heart nursed our useless & abandoned, abused & sick old dog to health. Stupid forks!

Yup, my shotgun shells & SlimJim wrappers’ll get pikd up by some skinny hiker with nothin betr ta do

Clueless vegans rehabed some tired, old bandit ATV trails right while we was out slashin new ones

Someone takes time for a boy with no father: Soo, I can feel OK blowing off child support agin, right?

Only them godless envirmenalists would question our ordaned dominyin takin & fruityful multiplyin

That silly recyclin rate might be slowly creepin up but my stuff goes back ta nature out in the woods

A few less wives might be gettin beaten but mine still flynches up whenever I raise my hand

Like I give a flyin fart what kinda habutat distrucion & shit them dollar a day hindis is doin, anyways

Why caint they see a free market garentees them sick & poor better cheaper doctorin than socialism?

Its funny, not everbody laughs like hell hearing the word kale – Even though they sure as shit should!

Librals pay $25k for a damn Prius but I modded my $60k Ram ta blow black diesel in they faces

Hey, my kids dont need no govt innerferenc ta get yer imaginery coal-fired mercury outta they brains

Look at those stupid volunteers doin all that work fer nethin – Hell, I’m goin home ta watch football

At least them 1%ers mouth Traditional Family Values - As they outsource our jobs fer giant bonuses

Caint them Leftists see the vital importancea abortion, guns, gay marriage and deregelated frackin?

Why, them so-called wise investments in clean energy aint nethin but more socialist tax & spending

I aint buyin no $5 artesian loaves when good old super-soft white bread is still only a buck a bag

Yup, we all gotta respect that ther rulea law cept where it gets overridden by the worda our Savior

I’m always stockin up on guns & ammo cause theys a vast conspiracy what wants to take em all away

Shore, I’m probly gonna go joggin or somethin stoopid insteada settin down to a cold one after work

Puhleez, enougha yer BS about a tasty double-meat bacon cheesburger rottin my whatever colon

But, food stamps do help me work on my retirement savings by providin me with a few more lotto tix

Felt so good after a few days on the meds I got at the free clinic that I gave the rest ta the ol lady

We got a couple of hits of meth for them bikes we stole from their stupid ShareTheRide program

If you think the working man caint see how bad that obamacare needs repeeled, you don’t know Jack

Had jest about enufa this vast liberal conspercy ta give over our prechus sovernty ta that dam UN

And I’ll tell you what, I’m grateful ta look more like my TV foopball buds than sum skinny vegan turd

Whatre they negochiatin treatys with them mullahs for insteada jest bombin the shit outta the place?

Look, I got ever right ta fly the rebel banner if them LBGT can get they rainbow flag all up in my face

What’s The Point, Comrades?

Why do you keep voting for the 1%ers who label you moochers and offshore your jobs for fat bonuses

Where is the sense in this blind & paranoid faith in any of man’s fossilized & fairytale-funny religions

So, what is the point to apartment cowboys financed giant $75k pickups used only to carry groceries

How can you care more about their phony political scandals than this human-caused mass extinction

Why do you toss litter from your toxic fast food out the window instead of just waiting for a trashcan

How could gun control & deregelation be more important than clean air, infrastructure or healthcare

Why do you spend thousands of hours worshiping CorproSports while eating & drinking way too much

How could any savior reward you for massacring a roomful of schoolgirls just trying to learn to read

How can rabidly-awaited holidays be so important if you can’t even remember what you did or where

What’s the point in sharing your every lame mood with foolish selfies & vapid, illiterate tweets

Where’s the benefit to spending billions on wreckreational ATVs, snowmachines, jetskis & dirt bikes

Why is it so important to choose your own doctor if you still cant afford to go get any treatment

What’s the point to continuously watering, fertilizing, poisoning & mowing an artificially green lawn

Who benefits from your propaganda-induced, reptilian brain level patriotism – Besides the politicians

How do you triumph & what do you win still acting out as an adult - As a rabid anti-environmentalist

What now remains of all those timeless selfies that just get lost with your phone…once again

Is that beautiful tan really worth winding up like some wrinkled old turtle, riddled with skin cancer

Why would great Allah order death to those who worship him too, but are of a slightly different sect

What do you gain flouting your sexuality on parade flouts in the faces of the 97% who are unlike you

What’s the real message of a media history where Reagan is a superhero but Carter a pathetic loser

What’s the point to ever-increasing dEfense budgets when we’ll all die so very soon, no matter what

Why drink yourself into the same loud & retarded state during all of your preciously-little free time

What remains after a corporate life spent asskissing, shoulderclimbing, backbiting & beating down

How is blankly prostrating your fat self before ad-driven media a fitting reward for a hard days work

Why do you think your divine right to halt all abortions is among the most important issues to us all

What’s the point to richly-appointed multi-million dollar churches that stand empty 6½ days a week

Why bother teaching the boys to fish since their catch is so full of poisons that it is not safe to eat

Why let developers rip up good farmland cheaper than recycling their shoddy, abandoned strip malls

What do you gain by scornfully dismissing all their initiatives - Without providing any of your own

Is that factory-fast-food really so good that it’s worth the poisoned pounds you gain - Year after year

Why let them drain underground aquifers for free when you’ll have no other water after they leave

How can you not see the waste of idling a hulking 3 ton vehicle simply as a personal air-conditioner

Where’s the point in ripping new bandit trails on federal land while plopped on your fat ass in an ATV

Why do you need a 300 horsepower, 5 passenger crossover to drive to work every day – All alone

What is the benefit in choosing loud, scoffingly-proud dogma over calm, evidence-based rationalism

How will you use all your soundbites, sports stats & movie lines as you lie tubed-up on your deathbed

No Worries, It’s Just Human Nature

War is part of our genetic makeup & Traditional Family Values - And also a vital economic stimulus!

Beating each other senseless is just human nature, especially when we are drinking heavily together

Homo Economicus does not naturally do things like recycle or save energy if he’s not paid to do it

We’re just following our pioneer instincts as we rip up new bandit ATV trails in our national forests

Man has flourished on red meat since Creation, during the dinosaur days, and I’m not changing now!

We hate gays, black, arabs & illegales because its just our nature to slaughter those different from us

Preying upon the sick, poor, widowed & elderly has been a human tradition ever since time immoral

Why, slavery goes back to our caveman days when captured enemies were raped & put to hard labor

It’s always been true that no one pays when everyone is at fault:Like for our air, water, forests & soil

We toss out our trash just like our ancestors did - to keep our loads light when we’re out on the hunt

People have always needed flashy creation myths, like all our laughably old-fashioned One True Gods

We’re obviously programmed to yearn for egotistical and paternally-sociopathic despots to enslave us

God meant for women to remain covered, uneducated & abused: And to raise up sons exactly like us

It’s simply supply & demand to pay higher prices until the next popular resource is used up or extinct

Humans instinctively prefer fibreless, nutrition-free, salt, sugar, fat & chemical-laced factory food

Real men will always thrive in the smoke & noise given off by unmuffled, petroleum-powered engines

Peasants have eternally craved rule by their moral betters - Who treat them as disposable moochers

To ensure our progress, glib sales types must always be highly rewarded for their all-consuming greed

Societies possess an innate ability to stall on major issues, looking to muddle thru or find a quick fix

We all know our growth depends on selling the Very-latest, Ever-more and yet another Even-bigger

It’s only natural to ignore our starving brothers every day in pursuit of our own individual happiness

Of course we want more money every year for exactly the same job, while we get fatter & stupider

It’s obvious that our current house of credit cards lifestyle dates far, far back into prehistory

It’s just human nature to scorn reason and leap with a blind faith into the arms of a predatory clergy

We all find it easier to just say NO! than to pass expensive, and likely unnecessary, over-regelations

It’s hereditary to scoff at research that Faux News mouthpieces dismiss as junk science or fuzzy math

No one ever wants to ponder the emptiness of the cosmic void which looms at the end of every life

Honestly, we all do better by focusing on sports, drinking, gossip and the safe details of family life

All government becomes more inefficient, wasteful & costly the more prosperous a nation becomes

It’s simply our innate survival of the fittest mentality that drives us to slash wasteful social programs

& there’s no justifying my having to pay for repairing roads, bridges, dams or electric & water grids

We’ve always defended our omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent gods against any imagined slights

Humans have forever needed to save energy for hunting & fighting - Hence my place on this couch

Driving an 8 passenger SUV alone to work every day satisfies a very real, very ancient need within us

Evolution is only a theory, but Social Darwinism is the survival of the fittest reality men must live by

Human nature is unchanging so it’s best to grab as much as we possibly can: Right here & Right now!