Witnessing Against $XMAS

“A 4 percent [yearly sales] increase is considered a healthy [holiday] season.” – Fox News

Ya know, the lights and stuff during the dark time are nice – nice and pagan and I’m down with that!

But that music, my god, 2 months a year of that same tired old crap that should have died in the ‘50s

Nobody can deny that it’s simply just a greedy and crass marketing race between corporate congloms

But listen: If you don’t like it - You have no heart, you’ll die cold & alone and you must hate children

2 months a year we’re doped-up with stale & sickly-sweet sales propaganda that we accept as reality

I like gift-giving - but not as some zombie pawn in their glitz-ridden retailer survival death matches

So cleverly presented that we no longer notice it’s just another <artificial> Traditional Family Value™

Somabitch, condemn me to your hell if yuletide cheer ain’t 95% scam with the rest just for little kids

Aw, come on, Wheres your $Xmas spirit? You just gotta pony up when they play that card, or else

They’ve sold us on thinking we must show our love expensively every year: “Perhaps a diamond….”

Now, now, it’s OK to charge stuff you cant afford and don’t need because, after all, “It’s $Xmas”

That awful music is everywhere, my god what torture, but you better hold your tongue, Scrooge

Don’t forget that even if you lack the $Xmas spirit you still need to like venerate Jesus’ fake Bday

Sure, having time off during the shortest days is good, and the parties are fun, but….it’s so co-opted

Cant even dare to think you hate wading thru crowds and standing in long lines to waste good money

Dads, never mention you really didn’t want, like or need those gifts you get that you have to pay for

So now label me as not loving jesus, being of a cold heart and doomed to die alone in an empty bed

As they say, Bah and Phooey! At least I’m not afraid to admit I hate their phony, greedy ad campaign

It’s just for the profit of those jolly closet corporate leaders and power-hungry church poseurs

Undeniably, they really do love Santa, but theyd’ve pushed Bin Laden if he yielded as much cash

Celebrating the Winter Solstice is an ancient and time-honored tradition which I happily honor

But I excoriate those who have twisted it up into an inescapable way to simply empty our wallets

You better fracking-well know this artificially-sweetened $Xmas Spirit shows what’s wrong with us

Goddamn those who play on the phony guilt they created and back with that tired and shitty music

Just think how the poor must feel when they cant charge stuff to maintain the HappilyEvenAfter

Suicides peak during the holidays cause the media blitz demonstrates their utter uselessness….

Remember: Sales must increase 4% every year cuz their next fat bonus depends utterly on Yule spirit

We should toss all that crap out with the $6B worth of wrapping paper we wantonly waste every year

HO! HO! HO! And a Merry $Xmas to all