It Aint Jest That Fool Climate Change

Like that wadnt aready enuf ta make the avurege NFL fan sickta his dam stumach…

By their waya thinkin were jest drownin in all kinda like kittystrophic events jest about ta come true

They say thers some kinda global mass estintion goin on all around us and they claim were causin it

Ya got them thousandsa unregelated, manmade kemikals mixin up everwher causin cancer in babies

Yer leftwing neow-nazis believe our savur-ordained fruitfulness is outta control & overuinin the earth

Theys even wackosa tryin ta make ya blieve that $hafa triyion a year fer our dEfense is way too much

And were spossed ta pay ta fix up the shittin roads, dams, bridges, lektrik, water & innernet, too?

Like Im really worried about them stripminin the oceans and fillinem up with that micro plastic litter

Our BigAg soil stewarts wunit overuse warter, fertilizer & pesticide jist fer ther stock-based bonuses

Look, jest cuz the kids caint do percents or read leglese don’t mean they aint tamarras world leadurs

Why shud we even believe that breast milk is lousy with whoremoans from our plastic & lektronics?

I aint got time ta fret on some hoaxy clean drinkin water shortage them vegans are bawlin over now

Tetnolagy’ll solve any issues arisin over needin ta grow more food on less land fer 2bln more hindis

You bet I’m takin the threata acid in the oceans hurtin seashells real, real serious. Uh-huh.

I been losin sleep frettin over the 5 poundsa trash each of us tosses out ever day, that’s fore shore

Yeah, I almost got some time ta worry about ther habytat distruction crisis, whatever that is, anyway

But, I jest do gotta ask one more time – What’s any stinkin polar bear ever done fer me?

like they say, our lafstyle alone is robbin our kids of any chancea reachin they true potentuls: Right..

They think we caint tell butween that vast libral media conspirucy & red meat, no-spin Faux News

Ooooh, I’m like soooo worried about whatever cow antibotics creatin bugs what cud eat off my leg

Stayin up late frettin over them asiens out there stripminin the oceans – Hey! I hate fish dicks anyway

Right, like goodod Clean Coal cud somehow put whatever mercury all up in our baby’s little brains

And the Libs are tryin ta convince me that our good conservative leadrs are owned by corprations

Jest the othur day theys some wack scientest lyin bout ever gallona diesel I burn givin off 19lbsa CO₂

Anaways, I jest keep buyin up guns & ammo cuz I jest know them yella vegans wanna take em away

Oh, and, were loadin up on tofu, kale, green tea and such sh*t, too: Cuz they say its whats fer dinner

Yup, they want us ta be skinny & weak like them - But I’m takin a cue from the big boys of my NFL

We got our Medicaid & SSDI so we aint worried about no probly fishunal doctur & nurse shortages

And, the good news is, I can get me a script fer vicadin or percaset if my teeth get ta hurtin too bad

Jesus, now were spossed ta get all teary eyed about some gotdam fireflies dyin off?

Whado I care how much air pollushun them swarmin asien hords create makin producs fer Wal*Mart?

And jest what shud I do about them slum dwellers movin inta that amazon jungle & burnin it down?

Oh, and watch out! – them giant pig & chicken farms are like chokin the life outta our rivers and bays

Um, BTW, alla them skinny vegan scare tactics regardin overeatin on sugar, salt & fat – Absulute BS!

& This incume inequality biness - Jest one more socialist scare tactic ta gin up more nanny regelatin

Them ragheads aint never comin to open up on us down ta our Wal*Mart or in the Sonic drive thrus -

Cuz all we gotta do is jest bomb the shit outta them ayrabs & get on with Traditional Family Values®