There’s Nothing To Be Afraid Of

Don’t worry, your kids wont ever get any coal-fired mercury in their tender, developing young brains

None of the thousands of unregulated, manmade chemicals in our environment are actually harmful

Take it easy, you’re not likely to get one of those increasingly-common but incurable MRSA infections

Relax, they’ll get around to fixing the roads, dams, bridges, electric, water & internet real soon now

You’re going to have plenty of retirement savings to ensure great happiness during your golden years

There’s no way that you’ll be one of those forced into bankruptcy by obscenely huge healthcare bills

Stop fretting that Muslim fanatics will ever again kill thousands here in this, the land of the free

Just you keep on eating the stuff you really like and don’t worry about the calories or the ingredients

Listen, that climate change thing…It’s not going to affect you in the very least, so just forget about it

Chill out man, you can start exercising anytime, but Hey, it’ll never really come down to that…

Yeah, there’ll always be plenty of good, clean drinking water, even if it does all come out of bottles

No, no, no! – Our consumer choices do not deny our precious children their full & glorious potentials

Whoa there partner, they’re never going to peel that semi-automatic out of your cold, dead fingers

Nobody & I mean No-Body, is going to force you to live on carrots, kale, tofu, rice, beans & weak tea

Calm down, they can’t make you take part in that worthless, messy, time-consuming recycling scam

Not to worry – You’ll be able to glory in all your fav team’s triumphs in HD - From up there in heaven

Slow down, neighborhood fracking yields a virtuous energy independence, without any health threats

It’s OK, terrorists aren’t going to burst into your little girl’s classroom with AK47s blazing for Allah

No need to panic, the stock market is quite safe and very profitable, in the, umm, really long run…

Well, of course your kids are always going to like you – As long as you uncritically pay for everything

Don’t be afraid, UN black helicopters aren’t coming in the night to steal our precious sovereignty

You needn’t ever concern yourself with the future of the poor, bastard kids you saved from abortion

Look, even though they call you Moochers, they alone still have only your best interests at heart

Now, now, now, just you wait and see what happens to those sinful LGBTs from up in your heaven

No need to get upset just because all the world’s fisheries have already crossed the brink of collapse

Those giant whatever ocean gyres circulating tons of plastic trash? Not a threat to your happy family

It’s all right, this manmade global mass extinction going on all around isn’t coming to your back yard

Ease up, Mom. Your kids don’t need to read & write to claim their role as tomorrow’s world leaders

Chillax pal, swarms of refugees won’t ever be trundling their filthy belongings down your street

Mellow out, you’ve got lots of time for those things that really matter that you’ve put off for so long

Don’t be anxious – elected leaders heed your letters, not just their massive corporate donor’s dollars

We’re not going to stop spending half a trillion$ per year on defense anytime soon, so lighten up

Simmer down folks, your mothers breast milk is not actually contaminated with manmade hormones

There’s no substance whatever to their utter blasphemy that human overpopulation threatens us all

That’ll never be you there, lying all pale & rumpled, with tubes going in and out & eyes shrunken in

Kick back, stop & smell the roses, live for today, for tomorrow never comes & you wont have to pay