Them Libral Food And Exersize Scams

So, here They go agin, ya know, tryin ta jist suck alla the fun & injoymint rite outta everbuddys lifes

Shore, like alla sudden SlimJims’ll rot yer innards & Doritas’re are fried up in all kinda poisons

They’re even sayin good old family white bread, fer god’s sake, is jest newtritunlis empty caleries

In their view, a dam Snickers bar is jest one more step down the road ta some facteryfood perdition

Yeah, like jest relaxin on the couch after another hard day at work cud somehow be relly bad faya

Rite, I monna jump up and go walk around the stupid block or do some kinda numbnut exersizin

I knew a guy who ran ever day: got hit by a pickup & knocked right outta them hunertfity buck Nikes

Really, it’s all just one more way ta try ta rob us of our sacred personal fureedoms

I betcha goodol Reagan dina eat nona that pusy-ast dam tofu or any kinda organic sprouts either

But them intrusav oneworldrs are tryin ta brainwarsh our kids regardin whatever healthy food choices

If god wanted us ta walk he wutnta gave us these awsum NASCAR/Military type pickups, now wud He?

Anyways, if that fool exersize is so good fer ya, why the heck does it feel like crap when yer doin it?

And just what biness does the govermint have all up in there in my whatever-the-hell colon, anyway?

Its like that shittin Obamacare – just one more parta them dam govt nannies wornout socialist agenda

Shore, my kids’ll jump fer joy over gettin raw oats with like figs instead of FruitLoops & Pop-Tarts

Thanks much, but I’ll jest stick with my goodod double beef bacon cheeseburgers & supersized fries

But, don’t fergit jest how deadly that innocent lookin and utterly deelicious piecea salami really is

Yup, and you gotta learn ta love ta grind on such ass nasty weeds as brussel sprouts, kale & brocolli

Don’t you dare be drinkin any more of them icy-cool, free-refill 44oz Big Gulps ever agin, either

So now you jest get on up outta here and go start jumpin around at that zoombabwe or whatever it is

Oh, geez & they’re all upset about what like 50 ingredient factory food might do ta their medytation

Right, as if gettin the cheapest price on real family food wadn’t the only smart way ta shop grocreys

Yup, perty soon I’ll be runnin out ta get tha ol lady apaira size 18 yogi paints…yeah, real soon now

They got the balls ta say that family-friendly food perducers have loaded up our carts with chemykals

And, can you imagine? Now ther even sayin that good od-fashyuned sugar is actually a deadly poison?

Right, and a refreshin icy cold beer aint nethin but empty brain-damagin fat-producin calories, either

Sure, & perty soon I’ll really start enjoyin puffin and sweatin like hell while my whole body aches

Yup: onct were all a buncha skinny, tired vegans that vast liberal conspiracy takeovr’ll be a lot easier