“Even
if he shows that he has repented” – One radicalized
interpretation of the Koran
And,
we alone will be the final judges as to whether your words might
possibly insult
the prophet
For
ours is the one and the only true interpretation of the divine
word in that holiest of all books
Of
course, you’re guilt is automatically proven should you not be able
to recite the Koran - in Arabic
Never
forget that any sect but ours is, by our definition, merely
apostate and must be smitten
by us
There
shall be no discussion or negotiations with those once condemned, for
we
alone hold the truth
We
shall send forth heroic, young, poor & futureless martyrs
to die restoring the Prophet’s honor
Such
as Jews,
simply by a mere sinful and unclean existence are, unequivocally &
irreversibly: Guilty
Heretical
silence shall not protect them, their children are not innocent &
their apologies are useless
We
shall film our executions of the vile sinners we capture as a
warning…and for
recruitment videos
Our
heroic lions burst into their infidel girl’s primary school rooms
with AK-47s blazing…for Allah!
We
strictly forbid drugs but righteously force farmers to produce opium
which we confiscate and sell
We
aim to restore the great Caliphate but we do not need art, science or
math as those before us did
Women
have an honored place as Illiterate, shrouded, barefoot, silent &
mostly-pregnant sex slaves
There
is nothing in our faith that is absurd, comical or irrational…Death
to any we think may mock us
Our
greatest scholars spend their lives gloriously studying only the
Koran - To
rationalize our actions
Even
as we decapitate the Great Satan we turn upon the many apostate
Muslim sects who anger Allah
We
shall define blasphemy & proclaim fatwas for executions based
solely upon our revealed
truth
Vaccinations
are Satan’s sterilizers and we reject his poisons & sentence
his emissaries to death
We
send children to kill apostates & put them on suicide missions to
ensure the caliphate’s future
One
sacred duty is to eliminate all journalists - Those devil’s
emissaries who spread lies and deceit
We
can condemn, blaspheme & destroy at will any and all of the
world’s false & heretical idols
Even
jihadis of our own sect but different
franchises must also be punished with an unmerciful death
But,
woe unto him who would dare question, criticize or satirize
the one truth that is ours alone
Our
male children require no education beyond arms training &
memorizing select parts of the Koran
Of
course the prophet commanded us to grow beards and that our women
shroud their entire beings
Bursting
into markets with guns & RPGs blazing is truly doing what Allah
demands, Peace unto him
We
must kill those who disguise attempts to control us as bringing clean
water & adequate sanitation
Our
wise interpretation of Sharia law is all we need for a divine
governance & justice upon this earth
We
sleep well at night, laying
on dirt in filthy clothes, secure in the knowledge that we are
His hands
Videoed
public beheading, stoning or burning alive is appropriate for any
manner of crime we choose
The
caliphate can expel into the desert any old or sick hostages it can’t
afford to care for or to treat
Know
that our martyrs shall be rewarded by heavenly virgins after blowing
themselves up in hospitals
We
shall answer their unholy existence with guns and bombs at their
mosques, markets & schools
Heretics
shall not be safe at their wedding parties for we shall rain
automatic weapon fire upon them
Our
fearless lions, Allah willing, shall ignite themselves in the very
mosques of the evil apostate sects
Then,
Allah
permitting, we shall kill all of them that we can during their
unclean funeral ceremonies
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