From Beneath The Surface

Did not have the time to say it all

So I learned I must stay real small

Just tried to make sense of what I knew

In the end I saw just how foolish it all grew

Could not stay to help their grieving

Flies commenced to buzz as I was leaving

Guess I was lost this whole damn way

No wonder I never planned out where I’d lay

Laid out looking up at all them stars

Their blue was cold and that black was far

Felt tiny snowflakes dancing upon my nose

dreams touched my heart while I dozed

Came across those things that you uncovered

Watched sand blow over what I discovered

Saw the river’s ancient canyon stage

As I divided my years by this world’s age

Learned to pause yet I never stopped

Thought I could listen while I hopped

Saw speckled horses and an old log fence

Finally got used to things not making sense

The pieces you found did not quite match up with mine

It merely seemed we all pursued different lines

Stayed a while where the dust was clean

Til they sped by in new and shiny, closed machines

Began to howl to spread my sad news

Never did gamble, but still learned to lose

I might have come from any gypsy stock

Carved out our initials upon that rock

Turned it all quite upside down on purpose

Things looked blurry from beneath the surface

Looked for myself on snowy mountains

Most found my anger quite astounding

Scuffled savagely over smallest scraps

Licked my wounds between hungry naps

Lost the race I never knew began

My hair grew too wild and my face too thin

Lay drugged and watched my fluids fill their tubes

Ran all day, back when my joints were lubed

Lost all those memories I had finally gathered

Thought I got soaked but was merely spattered

Could not stay quiet as we all stood still

Made things harder thanks to my foolish will

Felt the grace in those huge blue swells

Helped myself and left my kids the bill

Knew in my gut that it all must end

Had neither time to help nor money to lend

At last I grew just a little thankful

Finally realized I owed this monstrous toll

Had a blurry vision of me off in peace and light

Began to wake up sweaty in the dark of night

Tried hard to change it all for good

Everything hurt when I finally understood

For a while it seemed things might just improve

Then came the morning my legs would not move

Crushed fine objects in darkness stumbling

Things got broke whenever I started fumbling

Studied empty scenes of starkest devastation

Heard sisters whispering over my evisceration

Overheard the voice of their gods almighty

Grew sad to realize they did not speak to me

Ruined many fine things in my short time

Under the patient trees I relived my prime

Always spiced up my own plain food

Came across as chiseled out just a bit too crude

Took a hard fall and badly twisted a firm belief

She thought me wise but I merely sought relief

It grew too smoky to recover any left-behinds

Questioned their ways and was treated less than kind

Never took warm comfort from friends or family

But clutched at them all as I slowly slipped away

Cast widely for some sanity with a narrow beam of reason

Got mixed up by faith and lost my way amid broken dreams