Cowboy Dowper

Under the Controlled Substance Act marijuana is <gotdam right> treated as a Schedule 1 drug - the same as heroin

A cupla hitsa that evil weed & I aint even wanta smack the livin shit outta some elitist LBQT no more

Why, sometimes when I’m stoned I feel like putting on headphones, closing my eyes & bein real quiet

I mean that shit makes me real, real peaceful - and ya know what? I aint normully like that-tat all!

And, it aint got nethin whatsoever ta do with drinkin cuz I’ve had that under control fer years now

Yup, soon as I put down that pipe I’m all done with like jumpin up ta start swingin at some dickhead

But that shit is bad & I wisht I cud stop cuz I can see now that I’m an addhict & it’s ruynd my life

Oh, lordy why’d them liberals ever go and legalize this brain-damaging, family-destroying poison

Its getting ta where I caint do without a bowl jest ta calm down – after a cupla days flyin on Crank

I been seein shit that aint there and hearing voices thet’re jest in my head & it aint Jesus callin

I’m tryin fer Disability now cuz my Unemployment run out & I just caint stop sucking the damn dowp

We split a 12 pack ta get fired up ta go do a crime but after toastin a bowl I just wanted a brownie

Yessir, when that dowp got me so by the balls I hadda get on the Oxy ta try and regain some control

And them phony resurchers are all sayin its like 114 times safer than beer - Well, that’s a gotdam lie!

Hell, I lost my last good job due ta failin a random drug test after getting high the night before

And I know that shit’s corrodin my lungs - Why I kin harly smoke a cigarette after doin a doob

Futhrmore, I lay the wife’s extry 50 lbs directly on all them bon-bons she pops due to her Munchies

I’m perty sure my lacka carear motevation stems directly from a longtime cannubis dependuncy

Look, I’m telling ya, I was always a good man til Satan sucksessfly tempted me with his green bud

After doin up a fat reefer its way too loud & not even fun ta go out & touch off a cupla hunert rounds

Imagine! when I’m high, even the noise & smoke from my own pickup don’t harly inspire me no more

It’s like, I wanna fight the good fight but that THC just keeps me too chilled out ta disavow socilism

Look, the dam ganga is a real threat to our naytional security & Traditional Family Values for shore

I’m truly thinkin that weed is one more weapon in ther vast & treacherus libral takeover conspiracy

Dont these people know that all thru our vilent history, alcohols always been the self-med achoice?

Just how we gonna smite them heathens if our boys are all stoned out, layin around playin bongos?

Why, studies show them dowprs are 87% more likely ta mistrust the Fox, Clean Coal & even the NFL!

The thing is that the CIA&NSA been secertly adulteratin kid’s dowp with mind control drugs fer years

Yup, and that evil plot is bein led at the highest levels overta that sovernty stealin Unitud Nations

I mean hits getting ta the point where I caint bear the thoughta wakin up with even a mild hangover

And the herb seems ta be cloudin my mind as regards such sacred issues as gun control & imegrayshn

There’s even been times I’ve had thoughtsa quietin down my bigo-badboy diesel pickup

Shockinly, my ATV, snowmobile & jet skis dont hold quite the same attraction when I’m all dowpd up

So all I’m axin is fer people ta wake up ta this menace that’s slippin up in all amongst us, so quietlike

It’s too late for me but maybe my story will help save one god-fearin gun owner from this addiction

Yep, yer families & children are all under threat of this mind control drug they want us all ta smoke

But, pardun me, I gotta go off somewhere quiet & do a bowl - Givin up my sacrud furedom agin!