Openly Gray

Filial piety is a Confucian value that sets an expectation for children to respect and care for their elders

We’re shuffling slowly out of assisted living, squinting against the sun, to demand our equal rights

I’m dropping the shoe polish color hair dye that doesn’t even fool my smartass grandkids anymore

The wife’s not gonna get botoxed again, but she hopes to keep the frozen smile for a while

It’s just that we’re plain tired of simply looking really stupid trying to act more like the living again

Sick of paying all these different doctors just so we can have somebody to talk to

Tired of continually searching for reading glasses I can’t find, for ten minutes, ten times a day

Gonna stand up for my god-given and constitutionally-enshrined right to a freedom from ridicule

I’m done volunteering since we’re simply viewed as bumbling & irrelevant, no matter what we do

TV has simply got to stop giving bit parts to us elders merely for the easy, but degrading, laughs

We’re sick and tired of merely being some greedy, amoral ad man’s cheap comic sales props

And they better let them wave proudly from atop the gay parade float in their bikini Depends

Yes, we demand the same politically-correct media treatment as the blacks, gays & handicapped

Everyone needs to recognize my virility, driving by in a shiny new sports car, searing my bald spot

Henceforth, you must listen to me about the spiky hairs sprouting in every direction from my ears

Gonna tweet all the dramatically incriminating pictures from my daily dog turd inspection tours

And you best believe that I am allowed to keep telling the same tired stories over and over again

They need to start portraying liver spots as sexy and attractive in their slick marketing campaigns

I’m driving slow to save on gas & enjoy the scenery - not just cause everything’s moving way too fast

You’ll have to get used to seeing these yellow, fungused toenails that I can no longer reach to trim

Further, I declare that I must now be able to cast off my shame at having to pee every 20 minutes

We reject your ridiculously-prejudiced & totally false stereotype that we all look alike, even if we do

We must get rid of all these moochers - but don’t you dare touch the benefits I’m clearly entitled to

And you just quit gawking at these clown-sized, but quite safe, no-tie, athletic shoes that I wear

They must be made to stop forcing us to ‘Ask your doctor about’ like 1800-odd costly Medicare drugs

Look, just because my world is gone & I try to avoid yours does not mean that I’m totally useless

You must once again humbly accept that my wrinkles represent a hard-earned dignity & real wisdom

We’ll no longer permit them to make lighthearted sitcom humor of our handicap-friendly death spiral

Yeah, and you just keep your damn kids off of my perfectly-manicured, artificially-green lawn, too

Listen, I don’t need any more stupefying psych meds just because you want me to shut up & sit still

Everyone needs to start appreciating the vital newsworthiness of my daily bowel movement details

Hey - I really am starting to watch my health, after 3 heart attacks, high blood pressure & diabetes

Why, I take sawdust fiber supplements & shuffle slowly around the mall - Sometimes twice a week!

80 is, after all, the new 60 and I’m still healthy enough to enjoy my Viagra, so just buzz off, sonny!

In fact, I refuse to be ashamed of any of the 14 government-subsidized drugs I take every day

I’ve earned the right to eat, drink & be merry now - Without any fear of a healthcare bankruptcy

So don’t you dare touch my social security or medicare & grant me the respect that I know I deserve